As the above says, I wish to accomplish more in my life but yet i am sat here feeling petrified again. It was only earlier on the year I was discharged from the care of the cbt therapist I was under. I now find my self like this:
- Scared to go out even if its just to enquire about a college course to get me onto higher education. Even though it may do me the world of good I am still petrified of doing it. I only ever go as far as a neighbour on my own on a good day the rest I’m in bed or away somewhere isolated so I ain’t seen.
- On harder anti-depressants which I honestly thought were working yesterday but today hahaha no I feel like my progress has stepped back and I’m pissed with myself that I have allowed myself to go back to square one.
- I am sat here doing the I wish while people are playing the system gaining every cent or penny they can get their fucking hands on while I am having to sell stuff just so I can “treat” myself even then its not much of a god damn treat which royally pisses me off. I have had to resort to this and this makes me more depressed having fuck all to show for the struggle. This has gone on for the past year.
I really dont have the strength to carry this on before I start crying so